So Susan’s journals were sporadically written, to say the least. From October, 2016, to December, 2019, it seems that she…
“Real Human Connection”
TUESDAYJune 2 2015 8 rounds of chemo with Folfox. 15 days per cycle. One relatively long hospital visit of 3-4…
“I’d Rather Feel Joy and Pain”
THURSDAY May 28 2015 Stayed up all night last night to write one page for work. I am feeling the…
“My Stoma Rears its Ugly Head”
FRIDAYMay 22 2015 I am starting to reach an understanding with my stoma, to be able to detect when it…
“My Boys Need Me More”
MONDAYMay 18 2015 Took a hiatus from journaling while Julie [a long-term friend] was here and over the weekend. It…
“My Spirit is light”
SATURDAYMay 9 2015 Birthday parties can be a real chore. Making small talk with people you know only as so…
Sharing Susan’s Cancer Journals
There have been three notebooks sitting on my wife Susan’s bedside table since the night she passed away, and while…
The Kids Are Alright
I awake in the middle of the night to find Susan in bed next to me. I stay silent, because…
Clothes Sniffing and Other Stages of Grief
It’s been about 6 weeks since my wife, Susan, passed away, and although I realize that everyone’s experience of grief…
Beautiful and Awful, Tender and Terrible
After a great deal of consideration, I’ve decided to write about the last days of Susan’s life. If you would…
Love Letters to Susan
Probably the most helpful thing I’ve done in the past few weeks was invite the people who love Susan to…
A Letter from Susan’s Organization
First of all, I’m overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support in the last days and weeks. I want…
No More Words
I’m so sorry to have to say this, but Susan has passed away. She died peacefully and without pain last…
Poppies for Susan
We have received lots of messages for Susan, all of them loving and lovely, but I hadn’t exactly considered what…
Tough Talks
This has been a month of, well, difficult conversations. It was kicked off with a little chat in the Hospital…
Lights in Dark Places
Susan’s parents and sister have all arrived safely back in California after three weeks here, much of that time spent…
Strolling and Snoring and Other Signs of Life
Well, shit. (You know a cancer blog post that begins with ‘Well, shit’ is probably not going to bring a…
There’s Hope in this World, and Beauty, and Susan, and Biden
We have been overjoyed with The Return of Susan around these parts. She’s eating soft solid food, she’s laughing and…
And the Susan Hits the Floor
I went to the hospital this morning thinking I would be bringing Susan home. When I got there she was…
Implausible, Impossible, Inconceivable and Incredible: Susan is Coming Home
Susan gains strength with each day of solid food, each day better than the last. The plan is to bring…
Tilt-O-Whirl of Terror
My mind is staggering between hope and despair, teetering and tottering and reeling about like a child spun on a…
Susan Does a Bit of Vlogging
So, Susan remains lying in a hospital bed, much as she has for the last 12 days. Her condition is…
Cancer Roller Coaster
I’ve always hated roller coasters. Even as a kid, or maybe especially as a kid, they scared the bejesus out…
Half a Lifetime
Susan and I, as of this writing, have been together 24 years, 2 months, 2 weeks, and four days. Roughly.…
A Few More Thoughts on Pain
Sometimes it’s as though someone has injected boiling acid into my abdomen. It’s a sensation almost impossible to describe, but…
Let’s Talk About the Pain
Because Susan’s got a lot of it. Hers falls into four basic categories. There’s the general lower back pain associated…
So, How’s Your Wife?
Growing up I noticed something curious pretty early on. Every day my dad would greet people he knew, and every…
Another Day, Another Hospital Stay
So if you read our last post you know that Susan has been in the hospital again. She went in…
Let’s Talk About Tubes
Susan’s got two of them at all times, and many more every time she lands in the hospital, which is…
Susan’s DOs and DON’Ts for Supporting Someone with Cancer
This post was first published March 20, 2018. Well, here is the first-ever blog post by my lovely wife. Although…
Zebrafish and Flatworms: Lessons in Regrowth after Loss
This was originally published in April of 2017. “It’s a boy!” “What??!!” Surprise and bewilderment on the new mother’s face.…
I Wish Cancer Would Get Cancer and Die
This is the second post I wrote about Susan’s cancer, roughly five months after the first, in October 2016. The…
On Colons, Cancer, and Courage
So as promised I’m going to share pieces previously posted on Field Notes from Fatherhood to give readers unfamiliar with…
Urine Trouble
This is just a quick update to keep everyone informed on the latest. I promise not to post…
This is Gonna Hurt Like Hell
“At least I know how I’m gonna die.” My wife, Susan, wore a grim, glum smile, while I resolutely choked…
Another F**king Cancer Blog 